T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
