that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
