1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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