Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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