part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
