You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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