How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
