She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
