Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
