Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
