it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
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