We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
