I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
