my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
