Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
