I want you more than these girls want KFC
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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