That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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