My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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