Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
