Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
