You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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