I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
