I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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