is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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