Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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