I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
