I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Me too!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
You may now shotgun with the bride
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
