Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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