My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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