it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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