you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
