**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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