Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
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