Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Randomize
