I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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