you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
