Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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