That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
