I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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