Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
