How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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