fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
