You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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