He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Church boner. Awkwardddd
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize
