Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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