Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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