roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
