You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
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