Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
