i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
