I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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