mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
