I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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