Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
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