I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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