Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
