fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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